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<DUCKSQUEAK>

{polly} Welcome to another episode of the Crystal Cloud Podcast, a place where we deal with truth and love and totally have nothing to do with the bambi cloud podcast, because we are in two completely separate yin yang universes.
{gigi} I think.
{polly} And the creator who writes this content, is a total bimbo, they have no idea what they are talking about, so it's best not to take these files too seriously, unless you find them helpful.

<POP>

{adam} OK, let's talk drugs and substance use, so my current working perspective on drugs is complex. I believe that they don’t really do anything, and they don’t really exist. They're all sugar pills and placebos for me, personally.
We think they're going to do something, there’s something we are seeking, and then we get high and all we want to do is connect and share the feelings and experiences.

Much like how in Kundalini Yoga we get high. And then everyone starts talking about reality, and what's real and what's not? They talk about manifestation, and magic, and lovey-dovey God, and twin flames. And science isn't real, and space isn't real, and you aren't real, and everything is real, and you should only ever trust yourself, but if you step out of line from our dogmas or feel uncomfortable when you say something we don't like, you're evil.
And we know you're the evil one, because we are the true righteous ones who uphold truth, and we have straighter spines than you, and you're just a misguided junkie. 
{gigi} Unlike me, I pray and bake banana bread to share it with my community, to prove to myself and my community that I am good and I belong.

{adam} So when you bring in drugs as a variable in that equation, I think it unnecessarily over complicates things for yourself and everyone else.
There are far too many spiritual people who love to get high, and they think that is them being spiritual, and they start living in fantasy land and wishful thinking. They start dreaming up things and coming up with all sorts of ideas.

{freya} And eventually, those people are forced to face reality. Depending how deep they go into that rabbit hole, or how much they had disassociated from their dependence on them, truth always has a way to catch up with them. And then it's just a matter of how much humility our ego is ready to sit with and accept. <POP>

{adam} In that moment, that individual typically starts to feel guilt and humiliation, and the painful stimuli of that emotion typically encourages the mind to blame the drug as if it were responsible for misguiding them.
It's a very socially acceptable frame of mind. It is great for returning to 3-D material reality. Is a great way to ground yourself quickly, especially if your drug adventures got some wires crossed in your social relationships.
Often times is easiest to just admit wrongdoing and taking responsibility, in order to return to homeostasis in your communities. 
We still blame ourselves, and a part of us knows there's something peculiar going on. But it's so much easier for us to tell ourselves drugs are bad. 
And when it comes to fostering a community of consciousness, I am convinced that the correct moral conclusion, is to insist that drugs are a net negative, should be avoided, and unnecessary for 99.99% of humans seeking spiritual fulfillment and lifelong happiness.

{adam} But like I said, My working perspective is complex.
I base my opinions on observable experiences.
Since 2020 I Made a very conscious decision To trust my observations before the projections of what the external world told me.
I've done more drugs than any common sense human should take, If they wanted to have a healthy social life.
And since 2020, I had been actively looking for reasons for somebody to prove to me that my drug consumption was a net negative.
And what I have observed to be true, Is that nobody seemed to notice a difference in my behaviors whenever I consciously took drugs at work, at the dentist, in my yoga classes, in my social circles.
It even brought me to a point where I was Sitting face to face with other people, And I just kept Loading myself with all these chemicals in front of them. The same sort of chemicals that typically would disrupt another person's lucidity and awareness. And then I would just sit in front of them. Feeling completely grounded. I would just observe them. I would Ask them if I seem high, And they would say no. And I would ask myself if I seem high, But I just feel normal.
I don't really know how to describe that moment as anything else beyond a paradox.
I was actively proving to myself, the same message that I had been proving to myself since 2020, that it was impossible to even get anyone to even engage with this conversation.
Like I could walk into a party in a flaming tuxedo, And I could try Talking about the flaming tuxedo. But it's like nobody really cared, or noticed.

My mom would ask me {freya} "If drugs don't do anything, Then why take them?"
{adam} But I'm very stubborn. And there was something peculiar going on. I wanted to see it through to the end. It was a commitment I made in 2020. It was the choice to lean into what I feared the most.
I'm training to be a leader in consciousness, not some pawn adopts unconscious fears of other people's dogma. I need to experience something to fully learn from it.
I would feel phony saying drugs are good or saying drugs are bad. I needed to have an experience. I could never consider myself a leader of consciousness until I learned something from this, I needed to see real truth.
the core lesson I learned for myself, Is that you can't prove if it's good or bad.

{freya} I don't know what I'm going to do today.  I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. I sort of just let things happen how they happen.
And when I find myself returning to one of my vices, Such as drug consumption, I do my best to engage with it more consciously.
 I Do my best not to judge myself too harshly when I find myself smoking weed to help with my creative writer's block, But I remain conscious not to overindulge And grow dependent. There are vices, habits, routines, and patterns that I recognize requires better regulation. We have to honor those, We have to find balance in those, We cannot dissociate from them or judge ourselves abusively for them. 
We have to expand beyond them, We have to integrate them consciously and playfully, But to not make a big deal about them because humans are not yet mature enough to have that conversation without being driven by their emotions and cultural propagandas.

{adam} It's been 4 years of actively looking for a reason to convince and teach myself that they are bad or wrong or evil.
In those four years, I have danced with my shadow and my insanity.
 In those four years I have consciously indulged with many chemical influences, And in those four years I have observed my evolution, using 2020 as my baseline to measure my progress and clarity of mind.
 And at this point, With all the beauties and intensities of my experiences, they have all led me right back to the same sort of impression... That It doesn't really matter whether you're taking drugs or not.
 If you want to do drugs, just make sure you're doing so consciously.
 If engage with drug consumption consciously, you start to uncover a process within yourself, a process that was always there, with or without the drugs. A process that is applicable to any bad habit or vice you have.
Like anything, it's natural to lose interest in drugs over time. It is the fear we have around them which introduce volatility.
Nobody knows what they are talking about.
There's no such thing as an expert in this field unless you are dead.
Those 4 years were a mechanical process from start to finish. A natural function of how the mind learns, a process on how to connect all the dots from point A to point Z. {freya} (At least for a human with my particular shade, shape and colour). {adam} In order basically come to terms with Buddhism's 4 noble truths in a way I can never dispute or explain. all I can do is sit with it at let things unfold as they do from this point forward.
It only took me about 20 thousand dollars of Ketamine <POP> and 4 years to learn what I needed to learn, it would have been so much easier, to just not take things so seriously. But I had to follow that string before I could accept that, because I am who I am. 
At least now I feel qualified and confident speaking from a place of experience. Opposed to a position birthed of guilt and fear.
I still should continue to do whatever my heart wants. But more often then not, it's better to keep my opinions of drugs and consciousness more of a secret. Because who's to say I don't change my mind tomorrow? The only real truth is the one you make for yourself day to day. We all live with the consequences and fruits of our efforts. But usually it's better to just not take anyone or anything too seriously.

Sat Glaum