Untitled

ANZ


13/01/24

I got angry because i couldn't sell that headphones 



I totally froze when i started having prn


14/01/25

Went to the hospital for the fist time

Went next to the place at 14h and finished till 19h

A kid playing there disrespected me

Felt really low as a shop owner and the kids playing there saw me standing there for the whole day

I mistakenly got into a problem and now it is much bigger

15/01/25

Went to the hospital
He told me that i am fool

I shouldn't have asked the guards

Been afraid of her reaction

Did a behavior

Couldn't pay a 60dh

Realized that i need urgent help but i missed this tentative

My anxiety or gust or whatever told me that something would happen and it happened


The handshakes
I didn't know how to react whether to be angry at myself for doing so or be okay with it

He basically smelled weakness in me

And that counts as disrespect

I started creating fake scenarios in my mind of flexing

Found that the password of that place was changed

Maybe the guys working there saw me standing next to their place or that pimp has told them something

Or it is a message from them to never stand there again

Now i hate that place and it is not my favorite place anymore

16/1/25

Disgustingly disgusting meaningless and poisonous conversation with the woman in the morning

Felt that the university isn't worth that sandwich

Been anxious that the man might provoke me while eating breakfast

I have anxiety about the mechanists

Saw my body reflection on the mirror and realized how truly slim and tall i am

Been anxious to wear my headphones

Got crazily anxious that some bus guys saw me with the headphones

Awkward crazy boring behavior

Letting money fall
The way i held my coat

My dissociation is on its peak level now
I am completely detached

Saw my 2 of my ex friends
Felt that i am physically ugly and my worth is low, felt anxious about my nail polish

Felt anxious about my phone

A girl from 2023 was looking at me while talking to a manager, I am sure that this girl has something about me, either an image or gossiped about me before

I realized how i totally wasted 2023, I never even thought of fixing my scholarship problem

3 years have gone without any tentative of getting it

Feeling terribly anxious

Overthought buying a 2dh biscuit

The awkward behavior i did while buying a biscuit, I literally created a problem from nothing

Decided to go home early
Dumb me was about not paying for the bus bill while i was just next the controller

He grabbed me by my hands and told me to go from there

He doesn't have the right to touch me

Started joking and showing love uncontrollably to the woman
My memory did it, maybe because i once used to be like this with her

She couldn't find anything to do but to bring up her sister's topic again

I am going to start from scratch again with the tech stuff

How can i remain sane with all of this happening to me?

I am writing this and feeling a huge internal exhaustion, this morning was like hell for me