Untitled

[Justin]
Is it going through? That looks pretty good. 

[Jay]
Check. 

[Sadie]
Check. [rock music] 

[Justin]
I'm Justin. I have a great job and a stable job. And my pronouns are he and they. 

[Sadie]
[laughs] I'm Sadie. I work IT at a public library. I am available at all hours, despite my high position. And my pronouns are they, them. [laughs] 

[Jay]
Oh, fuck. Um... 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Jay]
Shit. Oh, God. I'm not... My name is Jay, and I'm not as clever or funny as Justin and Sadie. [laughs] 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Jay]
Oh, I have unrealistic expectations for how long labor takes to do things. My employees, apparently, 'cause it only takes a week to do exhibitions. [laughs] My pronouns are he, him. 

[Justin]
That's right. 

[Jay]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
I did find a archivists Facebook group that was talking about this movie, 'cause we are talking about To Philly With Love, which came out in, I don't know, April of this year, just in time for the Susquehanna Centennial. 

[Jay]
Oh, I see what you did there. 

[Justin]
So- 

[Jay]
Go Birds, et cetera. 

[Justin]
Go Birds. Is Susquehanna in Philly? I don't- 

[Jay]
It's the river that goes... Or no, that's the Schuylkill. 

[Justin]
Yeah. 

[Jay]
I don't know. 

[Justin]
I was just doing word association. 

[Jay]
Yeah. None, none of us are from Philly, but we've all been there at least once. 

[Justin]
Yeah, we were there last year. 

[Jay]
Live show. 

[Justin]
Did our live show in Philly. 

[Jay]
I've been to Philly 4, 4 times, I think. 5, actually 5 times. But once I was in college, and it was just to see a band, so. 

[Justin]
We, we did eat at 

[Justin]
Reading Terminal, which is in the movie, which was very exciting, but- 

[Jay]
Was it? 

[Justin]
-it also made us realize that, like, the walk from Reading Terminal to back, back to the courthouse, I think is probably improbable. 

[Jay]
To, to ye olde colonial times in Philly? 

[Justin]
To eat your, to eat your Philly cheesesteak, which Philly cheesesteaks are good, so good point to the movie. I was kinda hoping to see, like, Justin Rosniak and, like, just in the background going like, "Are you-- You can see here the way that the, this building was..." Just walking in the background, talking about Philly stuff, talking about- 

[Jay]
Go Birds. 

[Justin]
Go Birds. 

[Jay]
And the fanatic is just, like, bouncing by and, like, tongue and gritty or something. I don't know. In my fan fiction, that's what they're doing. Speaking of fan fiction, what is To Philly With Love, Justin? Why are we watching this? What is this? What happened? Who are you? Why are you in my house? [laughs] 

[Justin]
Someone was talking about it on Blue Sky, and s- they said it was a very interesting portrayal of archives in movies. And since there aren't that many portrayals of actually working in an archive in movies, I was like, "Well, we should watch it." 

[Jay]
And also, it's a Hallmark romance movie. 

[Justin]
Yeah. 

[Jay]
Yeah. And by romance, it means they don't kiss until the, the end. 

[Justin]
Yeah, it's a God-fearing movie. 

[Jay]
Uh- 

[Sadie]
Very. 

[Jay]
-it loves God, loves country. 

[Sadie]
Oh, God. Oh, God does love country. [laughs] 

[Jay]
Oh, my God, this is jerking off about America, even though it's Canadian. 

[Justin]
Yeah. I've only seen... I think I've seen one Hallmark movie, the, the night... I've seen Hot Frosty. 

[Jay]
Those aren't Hallmark movies. Those are just bad Netflix holiday romances. They're different things. 

[Justin]
When I was getting dental work done, they had the Hallmark Channel on. And so I was watching a Hallmark movie the whole time I was having my teeth redone. 

[Jay]
Yeah. 

[Justin]
Uh, it's like getting a 1000000 fills done on my teeth 'cause the dentist was like, "Your front teeth are too thin. I'm gonna thicken them up." And she just made my front teeth thicker, and I couldn't close my mouth after that until I wore it all away. 

[Jay]
'Cause, like, there's, like, romance movies at various levels of steaminess and explicitness, and then there's Hallmark romance movies. And the Hallmark romance movie is where you get the, like, the y- the businesswoman come home for Christmas and meet the lumberjack, and then she stays with him, and they fall in love 'cause he's got a s- a job, and she doesn't have to be a big city lawyer, executive, whatever anymore. Like, and they, they ha- have no sex or anything risqué, no innuendo. There's no, like, lust and desire. You could show this to a 5-year-old, and it'd be fine. 

[Sadie]
Yep. 

[Justin]
You can show anything to a 5-year-old and be fine. They don't know what's going on. 

[Sadie]
That's true. 

[Jay]
Sadie, what's your, like, experience with, like, the Hallmark romance? 

[Sadie]
I've never actually watched any Hallmark movie before, although I am normally a fan of romance. I mean, I think the most I've ever seen is, like, my, my vet tends to play Hallmark movies in the lobby, but it's too far away to hear, so I'm just watch- watching, what's her fucking name? Danica McKellar. There's one actress who's always in those fucking movies. I forget her name. She was in Boy Meets World. And now I gotta look it up 'cause... 

[Jay]
It's like Hallmark's not, like, explicitly Christian, but it's very, like, Christian-coded. It's very Christian-friendly. 

[Sadie]
Yeah. Danica McKellar. Whatever, whatever movies she's always in that are, like, Hallmark or Hallmark equivalent, that's, like, it, is I just see her walking around in a power suit on, e- while I'm in the lobby of my vet hospital. So- 

[Justin]
Mm-hmm. 

[Sadie]
-like, that's not... Yeah, no. Which my wife has had more experience watching Hallmark movies for some reason, and I was like, "Oh, it really is, it really is that cheesy." And they were like, "Yeah. [laughs] What did you expect?" And I'm like, "I didn't expect them to actually be the level of cheese, the Cheez Whiz, if I may." 

[Jay]
Oh-ho. 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
Mm-hmm. I've always got a can next to my canned pasta because I can't say SpaghettiOs. I was like, "Did he say canned pasta?" I'm like, "What is canned pasta?" And I was just sitting here thinking about it for, like, a good 2 minutes. 

[Jay]
Only people are just so deprived of good Italian food, apparently.

[Sadie]
I think the only thing that actually made me laugh in this movie was when he goes, "It's surprisingly tasty." 

[Emily Hollister]
My mom is cooking chicken pot pie tonight, Pennsylvania Dutch style. You're welcome to join us. Unless, of course, you're craving your canned pasta, in which case I completely understand. 

[Nate Callahan]
It is surprisingly tasty. 

[Jay]
[laughs] 

[Sadie]
And I was like, "Okay." 

[Jay]
I will give this movie props for how, like, hot and in his 40s he was. 

[Sadie]
That, yeah. 

[Jay]
That was a perk. He was, he was fucking... I saw-- I was looking through his credits after, and kinda early on he played handsome guy in an episode of a show. I'm like, "Damn, he sure is a handsome guy." 

[Sadie]
Yep. 

[Jay]
That's-- I can see [laughs] he's good-looking. 

[Sadie]
Can't argue that. 

[Jay]
Can't argue that. 

[Justin]
Credited as handsome guy. 

[Sadie]
I was like, when he, when he came on screen, I was like, "Is this the love interest? He looks a little, little older than I expected." 

[Jay]
In his 40s, yeah. 

[Sadie]
Yeah. And I was like, "Oh, yeah. No, he, he is. All right. Cool." 

[Justin]
The main character's older than me, which is crazy 'cause she looks incredibly young. She looks like mid-20s [laughs]. 

[Sadie]
Yeah. 

[Justin]
I just ha-- I, I pulled up... Her name looked familiar, 'cause she looked, like, familiar, so I just looked her up. But no, she's just, like, a, a regular actress, doesn't do anything weird, is married to an IndyCar driver. 

[Jay]
Oh, cool. 

[Justin]
Yeah. 

[Jay]
Hey, driver, drive these. 

[Justin]
I did look up the Ottawa archives in the Philly, in the National Archives in Philly. The National Archives in Philly is a big, like, column building, old style. So everything we saw that was the National Archives was the- 

[Jay]
Was Ottawa? 

[Justin]
... was James, was James Bartleman Archives and Library in, in Ottawa. 

[Jay]
Hell yeah. 

[Justin]
It's the city, the city public archives. And they just slapped Philadelphia National Archives outside [laughs]. 

[Jay]
I thought it looked a little slapped on. So the premise- ... of this film is our, our, our, our teacher, history teacher lady, amateur historian, is coming home to Philly, 'cause she doesn't live there anymore, but her grandma died, aw. And so she and her mom have to go through all her grandma's shit and sell it and sell her old house and stuff. And her grandma was an amateur historian, and she was working on a project of Revolutionary War letters between this revolutionary soldier and a British chick. But they only have the dude's half because history is not feminist, but we're gonna try to give a cookie to feminists so they don't get mad at us. And we wanna find the women, the, the, the, the, the women folks' letters 'cause they're important too in women's history. And so we're gonna go to the National Archives to meet hot archivist dude, Nate, or whatever his name is, and he's gonna help us. And it's just gonna be National Treasure, but they kiss at the... Actually, they kiss at the end of National Treasure. So this is just National Treasure. And also they do an exhibit of the letters and stuff. 

[Justin]
We'll talk about the exhibit a lot. 

[Jay]
Yes, we will [laughs]. 

[Justin]
It's where all of the budget was- 

[Jay]
Justin and I were dying. 

[Justin]
We were like, "What the fuck is happening?" [laughs] 

[Jay]
[laughs] Important caveat, none of us are archivists. Um- 

[Sadie]
Oh, yeah 

[Jay]
... that is not my training. That is not Sadie's training. That is also not Justin's training, though I'd argue Justin is the closest, having done history and having also worked in special collections before. 

[Justin]
And archives. And I have, and I have processed institutional archives, but not... I've never been to the National Archives. I know that you don't browse the stacks at the National Archives. They bring boxes to you, so you don't ever go in the stack. There are no stacks. It's all brought to you. 

[Jay]
And that, I think with you saying that, before we get into shit-talking this movie, an important caveat to note- 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Jay]
... no, a film representing the profession does not have to accurately portray the profession. That being said [laughs], it will be fun to make fun of this [laughs]. 

[Sadie]
Yes. 

[Jay]
We know that they change things for narrative contrivance. We understand that. We know how movies work. It's fine. Although we do need a white glove alert, alarms drop. 

[Sadie]
Yep. 

[Jay]
Because we, we were doing the Leo meme pointing at the screen 'cause of the white gloves. 

[Sadie]
I have, I have a note. I have a note that's just, "The gloves." [laughs] 

[Jay]
The gloves. I mean, I was loving the sexy microfiche scene. I love- 

[Sadie]
Yeah 

[Jay]
... you know how I love a microfiche montage. 

[Sadie]
And- 

[Jay]
They gave it to me. 

[Sadie]
And the moving stacks. 

[Jay]
Yes. 

[Sadie]
I love- 

[Jay]
I love that shot 

[Sadie]
... I love the moving stacks. 

[Jay]
[laughs] 

[Sadie]
It was good. 

[Jay]
That was, like, my favorite shot of the movie. It was, like, the one between them and then it opens. It was really good. 

[Sadie]
Mm-hmm. 

[Jay]
Anyway. 

[Justin]
So where do we go in the plot? I always, I, I, I always forget the plot beats for movies if I don't take plot-by-plot notes. 

[Jay]
Well, romance plot beats are all the same, basically. 

[Sadie]
Yep. I was sitting there waiting, "Okay, now when's the moment when the trust is broken and they have- 

[Jay]
Yeah 

[Sadie]
... to come back together, and then it'll be a big..." Yeah. 

[Jay]
Yeah. [laughs] 

[Sadie]
Like, I saw that one coming 90000000 miles away. I was so contrived. 

[Jay]
I, I sure did too. [laughs] 

[Sadie]
I just, I, like- 

[Jay]
It's like- 

[Sadie]
... I wrote- 

[Jay]
... she comes home. She meets him. They have their meet-cute. There's a moment of cohesion. They do some flirting. Trust is broken. Then they get back together, and then they kiss at the end. 

[Sadie]
Yep. Yeah. That's, that's how it goes. I wrote, I wrote in my notes that this was like... I was, like, reading a Nicholas Sparks novel. I was like, I was like, "I'm so fucking bored right now, but it's like- 

[Justin]
[laughs] 

[Sadie]
... it's still happening, so I guess I'm gonna keep watching." But yeah, it was like the closest narrative experience I can get to watching this Hallmark movie was, like, reading a Nicholas Sparks novel, which, like, those are probably the same audiences, so it makes sense [laughs]. 

[Jay]
Yeah. 'Cause, like, the thing about romance is like, yes, it's formulaic. All genre is formulaic. The fun thing is, how does it then play within that genre? How does it subvert expectations? How... What does it do differently with the plot beats? How does it do the timing? How does it do whatever? Even if it is following it beat for beat, what is it doing within that is usually where the interest happens. How are you playing within the limitations of the genre? And it's just not doing anything interesting. [laughs] 

[Justin]
No, but I wasn't expecting anything interesting. I was just ex- interested to see, like, what is the fantasy, I think was my big thing of, like- Okay, the love interest is an archivist. Like, what's, what's the fantasy angle here besides being cast as handsome man in other movies? And so I was, you know, like, what is he bringing to the moms, like, watching this? Like, I assume the, the average, like, Hallmark viewer demographic is, like, 45 to, to 60. I think, like we were talking before we started recording, and Jay was saying what he should have done was- 

[Jay]
Quit his job. 

[Justin]
Yeah, quit his job and then work for the not Daughters of the American Revolution s- who have troubles with the IRS. 

[Jay]
They're totally doing fraud. [laughs] 

[Justin]
Yeah. 

[Embezzlement Lady]
Sadly, our nonprofit status is at risk of being revoked. 

[Emily Hollister]
Why? 

[Embezzlement Lady]
We've run into some compliance issues. 

[Justin]
But, but I, I think part of the fantasy is like, oh, he has a good job. [laughs] Just a stable job, and he's not impulsive, and he's, and he's just making money. I don't know. What's the appeal? 

[Sadie]
The thing that got me was, like, like, the whole, the whole deal is, you know, she's gotta, like, finish her grandmom-- her grandmother's reports or, like, the Ladies of Liberty or, you know, knock off DAR. Don't wash out of the big nonprofit sea of historical societies in Philadelphia, but, like- 

[Jay]
In which there are many. 

[Sadie]
Like, how-- Yeah, right. And, like, how she just, like, walks into the archives and just happens to have somebody coming downstairs who's like, "Oh, what can I do for you?" And she's like, "I wanted to talk to an archivist." And she-- and then the person is like, "Oh, let me bring you to our chief archivist." Like, he's just, like, he's just there. Like- 

[Justin]
Yeah 

[Sadie]
... he doesn't have, like, meetings or, like, he's not on a Zoom call or anything. Like, he's the chief archivist, but he's just, like, available right now for you if you need him. 

[Justin]
Mm-hmm. 

[Sadie]
I was like- 

[Justin]
Yeah, not a lot going on in Ottawa when you work at the NARA in Ottawa. 

[Sadie]
[laughs] That was the thing that cracked me up, though, is I was like, "This dude's got a really boring-ass job then." [laughs] 

[Justin]
I did like his office. I thought his office was a good design and makes sense. And this-- it's-- I, I mean, this is clearly, like, stuff that the Ottawa Archives just has, so it's probably, like, their real office space and their real conservation lab. 

[Jay]
Which what archivist would know how to do any of that? I don't know. Maybe I'm underestimating archivists, but I feel like that's not-- that's a separate skill at that level. I don't know. 

[Justin]
Yeah. And he does bring in the conservationist later when they find the rest of the letters. These are- 

[Jay]
Which are folded. 

[Justin]
Which are folded. And he's like, "We have to have the conservationist handle these. [laughs] I can't do it." 

[Nate Callahan]
We'll get started tomorrow. 

[Emily Hollister]
Who's we? 

[Nate Callahan]
Well, uh, these letters are fragile and should be handled by the best. Uh, our chief conservator needs to be involved. Uh, he's handled documents in Europe far older than these. 

[Emily Hollister]
Okay. Well, as long as I have time to read them and get the report done by the deadline. 

[Nate Callahan]
Yeah, we should have them treated and scanned by the weekend. 

[Justin]
Yeah, that was something that br- was brought up in the Facebook group is, like, who starts doing the, the buffering stuff that he, he brushed on it. Like, who does that as the 1st thing before even talking to someone and appraising, like, what it is? Like, whose 1st step is that? "I've never used this chemical in 20 years." Stuff like that. But I like the stacks, scenes. I-- the automatic stacks, which are a pain in the ass, and then he has to use the code 1776, which I noticed him type in. I'm very good at noticing pin pads. When I worked in special collections, I was not told what the, the login for the pin pad was, but I saw people put it in, which was 1492. So they love a historical-- This was very, this was verisimilitude. And so, yeah, they had to change the pin after they realized that I knew it because I kept letting myself in by using the pin. [laughs] 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
Uh- 

[Sadie]
Nice. 

[Justin]
So, so it is-- That was, that was good verisimilitude. They would use 1776 as the unlock code and never change it for security purposes until a graduate assistant, uh, learns it by accident. But yeah, the-- Jay said the conservationist lab looks like NCIS, which I thought old people love NCIS, so that makes sense. But I've never seen a lab like that that wasn't just, like, covered in giant maps being scanned or- 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
-someone in there at all times, like, moving huge, oversized stuff that needs to be scanned. 

[Jay]
Weird things propped up in weird positions, you know. 

[Sadie]
Shit stacked that probably shouldn't be stacked. 

[Justin]
Oh, yeah. I mean, I've definitely found stuff there, stuff that was just sitting on a bookshelf that was supposed to be in processing and just got put under some other stuff and was sitting under a pile for, like, a year. That happens all the time. But yeah, I approve of his, his office. Uh, I love a whiteboard for trying to think up projects. He has layers. He has his, his coats and his slutty little sweaters, uh, which I think is a-- is also what you need in order to... I have my cardigan and my space heater and all my layers. 

[Jay]
He had that sexy Henley in that one scene. 

[Sadie]
Yep. I noticed that immediately. I was like- 

[Jay]
Immediately I was like, "Ooh, he's got the Henley on." [laughs] 

[Sadie]
Yeah. 

[Jay]
Henley's man. 

[Sadie]
Must be, must be casual Friday. 

[Jay]
Ooh. And also, whoever is the person who did the costumes for this, give everyone a size up. All of the costumes in this were too tight, especially his suit- 

[Sadie]
Uh-huh 

[Jay]
... for the big dinner scene. He-- I don't think he could raise his arms. And then- 

[Sadie]
Nope 

[Jay]
... like, the sister-in-law looked like her tits were about to pop her shirt open, like, and her pants a- as well. Like, they were just way too, way too tight for how curvy she was. It didn't look comfortable. Oh, the fucking Bump It 

[Jay]
on the moth that kept migrating. [laughs] How her Bump It was situated and how far down the rest of the hair was around the Bump It. In the 1st scene, it's, like, on top of her head, and then it's, like, lower immediately halfway through the scene. Like, the continuity changed her Bump It. Like, halfway through it, I, I caught it immediately of... And, like, every single scene, her bump-it's different. And then all the other women, except for our main character, all have fucking bump-its. I'm like, "Why are they all obsessed with bump-its?" [laughs] I'm sorry. I was just like... I, I noticed it, and I couldn't un-notice how many fucking bump-its were in this movie. [laughs] 

[Sadie]
I did not notice that at all. That's hilarious. 

[Jay]
Like, seriously, just re-watch the 1st scene, and you immediately it's, like, really tight, high bump-it, and then it's a little bit [laughs] more relaxed bump-it. It's, like, in the same scene. It's so funny. 

[Justin]
It reminded me of Robin Hood: Men in Tights where his mole keeps moving. Like, "I have a mole. I have a bump-it." 

[Jay]
Also, that pink lip the mom was wearing was way too blue. She needed a warmer color. It did not look good on her. 

[Justin]
Hmm. I thought it was very strange how much AI was in this movie that didn't need to be. So the house sign is very clearly AI. That's not a real font that has ever existed. The-- I'm pretty sure some of the other signs were AI, and also I think the kid's drawing was AI. So there's a lot of, like, very minor, but very obvious, because the scene loves an establishing shot. Like, it will cut to the outside of a building, like, 3 times before you leave the building. We were trying to, like, start guessing. We were just playing a game of, like, "Okay, now it's gonna cut to the outside. Now it's gonna cut to the outside." And just kept doing it. 

[Sadie]
Make a drinking game. 

[Justin]
Yeah. 

[Sadie]
Like, every time it cuts to the, the Maple Street sign- 

[Justin]
Mm-hmm 

[Sadie]
... address sign outside the house or the national or the, the archive sign, take a shot. 

[Jay]
Which is the same establishing shot every single time. 

[Sadie]
Every single time. 

[Jay]
Same lighting. It's the same angle, same framing. They just reuse that stock footage that they've edited the sign over every single time. 

[Justin]
Yeah. I also wonder, like, how they did the letters. 'Cause, like, obviously the handwriting's not period-appropriate, but whatever, who cares? But I wonder if, like, the yellowing and stuff was done by AI or if that was actually done properly by someone just trying to have a vision. But it was very funny how much little bits of AI were sneaking their way in. E- even though this movie is mostly... I mean, it's just shots of Philly and Ottawa outdoor scenes, and that's kind of it. 

[Sadie]
Wait, I, I remember something. What the fuck is wuder ice? 

[Jay]
Wuder ice. Wuder ice. 

[Emily Hollister]
Wuder ice. 

[Sadie]
What is- 

[Jay]
It's water ice. Wuder ice. 

[Sadie]
Oh. 

[Jay]
That's how they say water. 

[Sadie]
I thought sub- 

[Jay]
Wuder. 

[Sadie]
I had, I had subtitles on, so she says- 

[Jay]
Oh 

[Sadie]
... "water ice," and then he literally said, "wuder," like- 

[Jay]
Yeah, wuder ice 

[Sadie]
... like wood-er ice. 

[Justin]
Mm-hmm. 

[Sadie]
And I was like, "Is that what it's really fucking called?" [laughs] 

[Jay]
Wuder ice. That's just how they say water. 

[Sadie]
That's funny. 

[Jay]
It's a, that's a Philly thing, yeah. 

[Sadie]
But I was like, "What?" 

[Jay]
Surprised it wasn't John. The, the, the, the archive's John, the letter's John. 

[Justin]
Yeah, that wuder ice John. 

[Jay]
Yeah. 

[Justin]
When, when we start off in the movie, she's trying to sell off the grandma's house, and they gotta clean it all out, and they're going through all the, the random stuff and the AI-drawn children's video, or children's drawing. But then there's also the lady from the historical society comes over, and she's like, "Here's your grandma's letters." And she hands the letters from it, and she's like, "Yeah, we're from the not Daughters of the American Revolution, and we're gonna lose our nonprofit status." And she goes, "Why?" And I just yell out, "Tax embezzlement." And she goes, "Compliance issues." 

[Embezzlement Lady]
We've run into some compliance issues. 

[Justin]
Which are never explained what the compliance issues are. Then the historical society loses their building. 

[Emily Hollister]
Hi, Nancy. I just came to pick up the rest of my grandma's files. 

[Embezzlement Lady]
Oh, hi, Emily. I'm glad you're here. I was gonna call you. 

[Emily Hollister]
What's going on? 

[Embezzlement Lady]
We have to move out. 

[Emily Hollister]
What? Why? Haven't you been here forever? 

[Embezzlement Lady]
We have, but we lost our lease. We thought we'd be able to renegotiate with the new owner, but it didn't work out. 

[Emily Hollister]
What happened? 

[Embezzlement Lady]
He's asking much higher rent. 

[Embezzlement Lady]
And he's made it clear he doesn't even think we'll be around after the nonprofit review. 

[Emily Hollister]
Well, I'm working on that. Once we know what happened to the other letters, it's sure to help the review. 

[Embezzlement Lady]
I know. 

[Justin]
And I'm just like, "Someone lost all of the money in Mahjong." 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
And so they're like, "Oh, the rent's going up too much." And it's like, "This bitch is embezzling all the money." The grandma who was keeping her at bay. [laughs] 

[Jay]
You cannot tell me that the Ladies of Liberty in Philly aren't fucking rolling in donation money. Are you kidding me? 

[Sadie]
Right. 

[Jay]
Of course they have money. 

[Sadie]
I was just, like, really... 'Cause, like, I don't, I don't know shit about this kind of thing, but I was just like, "How would a scho- a scholarly level report somehow save a nonprofit from compliance issues?" 

[Embezzlement Lady]
Compliance issues. 

[Justin]
It wouldn't. 

[Sadie]
[laughs] Yeah. 

[Justin]
You don't have to prove anything to be a nonprofit. You don't have to prove you do history [laughs] to be a nonprofit. 

[Sadie]
Yeah, that was the thing that I was just like, this, this just seems contrived as fuck. Like, I, I don't see how a historian, historian's amateur daughter, like, could somehow save from nonprofit compliance issues. Like, bitches, that's tax. You need a tax lawyer. 

[Embezzlement Lady]
What's this? The report your grandmother was writing. She was going to present it to the board at the Historical Preservation Society of Philadelphia as evidence that the Ladies of Liberty were still engaged in scholarly research. 

[Justin]
They said they're a 501[c][3]. Okay, like, you, you can continue to be one. 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
Like, there's nothing... What did you do illegally? [laughs] Did you not file your taxes? Did you not do your 540? The NFL is a nonprofit. Like, it's not hard. It's a 501[c][7]. 

[Jay]
Did you donate to a political party when you're not supposed to? 

[Sadie]
Okay, I'm starting to laugh hard enough that my, like, asthma cough is kicking in. [laughs] 

[Jay]
[laughs] Auntie funny. We're killing Sadie. 

[Justin]
They do start looking into these ciphers in the letters, which is... So the whole thing is he's a patriot, a real patriot. He's a believer in this country they're building, which is strange because he would be fighting for a country who already existed, which is Pennsylvania. He would, he would be a patriot of Pennsylvania for his own country. That's how he would have thought about it. He would have thought Pennsylvania was his country. But he's like, "Oh, we're gonna make a new united sort of country thing." It- it's very presentist. It's very looking back on things. They go and hang out with Betsy Ross to look at the flag before flag shagging had been invented, and they're just like, "Isn't the flag so important?" And he's, like, convincing her that the American Revolution is, is a mean- a meaningful thing to do for reasons. 

[Jay]
He's doing the romance movie thing of she's, like, looking and admiring at the very bad, uh, tour giver, and he's, like, doing the thing where she's looking at th- and he's looking at her. Wow. Oh- 

[Sadie]
Yeah. [laughs] 

[Jay]
... so wow. It's like, this is, like, as bad as a fucking and obvious as a John Donne poem that's like, "I'm gonna talk about the, my love for the undiscovered country and talk about how beautiful the discovery of America or whatever is as a way of talking about how much I wanna bang somebody." 

[Historical Letter Writing Guy VO]
My dearest Mary, 

[Historical Letter Writing Guy VO]
divided from you, my love, I am lost. 

[Historical Letter Writing Guy VO]
Though I must leave you now, 

[Historical Letter Writing Guy VO]
know that I do with the heaviest of heart and a sacred vow. 

[Historical Letter Writing Guy VO]
You will never be alone, dear one, 

[Historical Letter Writing Guy VO]
for each time you gaze up at the stars shrouded in their velvet abyss, I so too will be at once gazing upon them such. 

[Historical Letter Writing Guy VO]
And in that moment, we too shall be as one. 

[Historical Letter Writing Guy VO]
In your eyes, I have seen the stars reflected- 

[Emily Hollister]
In your eyes, I have seen the stars reflected and the hope of a new nation forming. Hence, I am called to battle and fight I must, but trust I take thee with me always. If I shall never return, know that your notes are forever safe. Until we meet again, yours in eternity, Jonathan. 

[Jay]
Like, it's very like, "And the country is beautiful, and isn't this beautiful and new and emerging just like our love is beautiful and new and emerging?" I'm like, "Eh." 

[Sadie]
Yeah. The, the whole Romeo and Juliet of the American Revolution thing, I was like, "Just fucking shoot me right now." [laughs] Like, like, like, that's the big exhibit, right? Like, that's the big earth-shaking exhibit. And I'm like, like, 6000 people haven't thought of that idea before in, like, every time somebody donates their grandma's old letters or some shit like that. Like, I'm like, "There was nothing earth-shattering about that." [laughs] 

[Jay]
I was hoping they would write to each other like John and Abigail did, where they would just, like, insult each other and be like, "Hey, and I love you, and I, and I tell you truthful things because I-- truth is how I show love. And also, bring me pins. Okay, thanks. Bye." [laughs] 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Jay]
"Love you." 

[Justin]
"There's an embargo going on. I need lace and fabric so I can flip it, and also give me securities and stuff so that I can also do money speculation really well," something that Abigail Adams was really good at. 

[Jay]
Hell yeah. 

[Justin]
So then what happens next? The-- he gets... So we meet Mr. Kent. 

[Sadie]
Oh, yeah. 

[Jay]
This fucking wig on this motherfucker. 

[Justin]
[laughs] 

[Jay]
As per the movie. 

[Sadie]
[laughs] The donors. [laughs] 

[Richard Kent]
Mr. Callahan, when you think of archives, what's the 1st thing that comes to mind? 

[Nate Callahan]
Well. 

[Richard Kent]
Exactly. And that's the other reason I'm here. I wanna create an exhibit unlike anything we've ever done before, something that shows people that the archives aren't just a place where old documents are stored on shelves, an exhibit that's interactive and exciting and shows people the real value of what we do here. And equally as important, if not more so, something that excites the donors. 

[Jay]
[laughs] Donors! "We have to do an exhibit in one week that has to be the best exhibit we've ever done." Not like, I don't know, that, like, in any place, 'cause this is obviously for the 250. It's not like you would have been planning that for, like, the past 5 years in Phila-fucking-delphia. Are you fucking kidding me? You would have been planning this exhibit for 5 years minimum. [laughs] But the donors. [laughs] 

[Justin]
Oh, he was in Heartland, the, the Canadian horse TV show. He's, he's the, he's the sexual grandpa- 

[Jay]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
... in Heartland, I think. Oh, no, he's not the star, but he's in it. Yeah, Michael Dixon. 

[Jay]
Handsome gentleman is in Letterkenny, uh, apparently. 

[Justin]
Where he plays Richard Kent, the... I don't know. I thought he was, like, a legislator who dropped by, but apparently he's just, like, a big wig at NARA. So he, I guess, is, like, being a mentor to our love interest, and he's trying to, like... You know, he wants, uh, he wants a, a protege, and so he's giving him this thing, and he's like, "I'm, I'm moving the donors. You do the archivist stuff now, and you come up with a, a, an exhibit for me that's something exciting and something we can show the donors." And that was, again, in the Facebook group, boss giving him one week to do an exhibit accurate. So we thought maybe the exhibit was going to be, like, I don't know, just, like, a table of letters and just, like, in the corner of a room, and, like, that's the big exhibit. But anyway, so they- they're, they're hanging out, and they go to the... While, while we're learning about, like, the, the house and all the other issues, the romance is blooming, so we're told. And they go to the brother's house, the love interest's brother, with his- 

[Jay]
Like story go birds. [laughs] 

[Justin]
He's, he's wearing an Eagles jersey 'cause it's Philly. He's got 2 shitty kids. Uh, she can- 

[Jay]
They're kind of chaotic, and they're the best-behaved children I've ever seen in my life. [laughs] 

[Justin]
Yeah. She can throw da football, and the sister-in-law is a nonprofit specialist lawyer. And she's like- 

[Sadie]
Of course 

[Justin]
... "Oh, I might need a favor from you. I'm not gonna tell you what it is now." And then later calls her on the phone and is like, "By the way, do you know Daughters of the American Revolution?" She's like, "Oh, yeah, I love their work. Send me everything you have, and I'll look into it." 

[Emily Hollister]
A nonprofit my grandma was a part of has run into some trouble with their 501[c]3 status, the Ladies of Liberty. 

[Lawyer Lady]
Yes, I love their work. I'd be happy to advise on that. Have them send me all their supporting documents. 

[Emily Hollister]
Oh, I am so grateful. Thank you.

[Lawyer Lady]
It's my pleasure. 

[Justin]
the problem was, and, and this resolves later on after the, the betrayal of trust where she's like, "Oh, yeah, the compliance thing happens to every, to the best of us. It's solved." 

[Sadie]
Yep. 

[Justin]
So we never learn what the compliance issue is. 

[Jay]
The lady on the whatever is on my PTA, so I'm in good graces. 

[Sadie]
Yes. 

[Lawyer Lady]
So 501[c][3] filings can get complicated with the new regulations. We've seen a lot of nonprofits lose their status. I'm glad you brought this to me. All the compliance issues have been addressed. 

[Emily Hollister]
Oh, thank you so much, Sonia. 

[Lawyer Lady]
And the ruling on the historical merit of your report will be made any day now. But between you and me, the senior board member's on my PTA. 

[Sadie]
It's so hand-wavy, it's hilarious. [laughs] 

[Justin]
Uh, so then the, the boss... We, we get the microfiche scene where the love interest is trying to figure out, like, what the fuck his thing is going to be. He keeps wanting to, like, do historical research on the letters. He wants to figure out- 

[Jay]
He's completely National Treasure shit. [laughs] 

[Justin]
Yeah, he wants to figure out the ciphers and figure out what all the hidden messages are 'cause it's The Notebook. And he... Which is relatable. Like, I just wanna do historical research instead of my job. Um, makes sense. This is, this is also realistic. So he doesn't wanna do stupid donor bullshit, but then he has to go to fancy dinner with the donors. And he says, "I have an idea for an exhibit. It is called Romeo and Juliet of the Revolution." And he steals the idea. And I said, "This is true. Male historians stealing women's scholarship is a time-honored tradition." [laughs] 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
But he tries to give credit, but he can't because Kent interrupts him. 

[Nate Callahan]
It's a new collection, 

[Nate Callahan]
a collection of Revolutionary War era letters. 

[Emily Hollister]
Ah. 

[Nate Callahan]
Love letters, as a matter of fact- 

[Emily Hollister]
Ah 

[Nate Callahan]
... from the Romeo and Juliet of the Revolution. 

[Richard Kent]
Fascinating. So how does this love story end? 

[Emily Hollister]
Yes, I'm dying to know. Hopefully not as tragically as Shakespeare. [laughs] 

[Nate Callahan]
[laughs] Let's hope. 

[Nate Callahan]
Well, you're just gonna have to wait and see. 

[Richard Kent]
Suspense, I love it. Did I not tell you that Mr. Callahan was an exceptional storyteller? 

[Nate Callahan]
Oh, please. Uh, but the credit for this exhibit, um, it must go to- 

[Richard Kent]
This is gonna be amazing. I, for one, cannot wait for the opening. 

[Emily Hollister]
Yes. 

[Justin]
And then they have the dinner, and our main character shows up, and she's wearing her grandma's, uh, slutty red dress. 

[Jay]
It's the Jackie Kennedy dress. 

[Sadie]
Yeah. 

[Jay]
She's color-logging Ken- Jackie over here in her red Kennedy dress. [laughs] 

[Justin]
This was your grandma's little black dress. I thought it would be really funny if she was wearing, like, the purple hat, like she's a purple hat lady. Like, this was your grandma's outfit, and she's just wearing the big purple hat. 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Jay]
Totally not the DAR, totally. 

[Sadie]
No. [laughs] 

[Justin]
Yeah. What do the purple hat ladies do? They do something. They, they do charity stuff. 

[Jay]
They're part of the DAR, right? 

[Justin]
I don't think so. 

[Jay]
I've been to a red hat lady thing when I was younger. Like, I helped... Uh, that might be a Daughters of the Confederacy thing, though, because I'm from the South. [laughs] 

[Justin]
Yeah, they just, they just do stuff. They're fun. Red and pink hatters. Anyway, so she shows up, and then the, the... Kent mentions like, "Oh, y- have you heard about his, his exhibit? You should go." And she's like, "I might." And he goes, "Yeah, Romeo and Juliet of the Revolution." And she goes, "Dun, dun, dun." 

[Justin]
And she's like, "Fuck you. I didn't even give you... I didn't even get a donor agreement for giving you all these valuable letters, original letters that no one else has. I didn't even get a custody agreement for you holding onto them." He's constantly like, he's constantly like, "They're gonna, they're gonna degrade." It's like, "Bitch, it's been 300 years. They're fine." 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
"You've got them in plastic sleeves. They're, they're fine." 

[Sadie]
I, I tore a wall out of my grandma's attic and discovered this special brick, 

[Sadie]
like, pattern. 

[Jay]
Something Justin said while we were watching it, it was like, "This is glorifying and reinforcing everyone who's like, 'But my stupid bullshit's gonna end up in an archive, right? Like, all my special bullshit, all my family's special bullshit, it's all special, and it's all gonna end up in the archive, and all the archivists are gonna be interested in it.'" Like, this movie is like, "We see you." 

[Sadie]
Yep. 

[Justin]
Yeah, we don't have letters from common people from the revolution. Like, their family doesn't keep their shit 'cause usually... Like, the reason we have this stuff from the Founding Fathers is 'cause they were presidents and senators, [laughs] and their grandkids were presidents and senators, and they kept all of their stuff and published it, even if they didn't want them to. Like, Abigail Adams wanted all her letters burned. 

[Jay]
Common practice, you would read a letter, especially if it had a fucking cipher code in it- 

[Sadie]
Yeah 

[Jay]
... it would have been destroyed after reading it. Like, these, none, neither of these letters would have existed. He, he especially, if he's out on the field, he would be destroying the letter she sends him as soon as he commits whatever important thing is to memory. He would not be carrying that around with him. They would be burnt. [laughs] Like... 

[Sadie]
Well, and especially because they're, like, framed as being, like, the sort of, like, star-crossed opposite sides of the war where he's, like, the revolutionary, and she's, like, has parents who are loyalists. And I'm like, "Bitch, those letters are burnt." 

[Jay]
Yeah. Like, also, I'm realizing now, if the movie is trying to do a star-crossed lovers, like, across enemy lines, Romeo and Juliet thing with the letters, why the fuck wasn't that mirrored in our couple? That would have been such an obvious, like... And not even enemies to lovers, but, like, w- they're on rival whatevers, or, like, she, she's on the donor board, and they're not wanting to d- give money, but he i... Like, something where, like, they have conflicting interests, but then they love each other anyway. It's right there.

[Justin]
Yeah, she's, she's, uh, [laughs] she's got pink hair and doesn't wanna fund the, the American Revolution stuff, and he convinces her that America is actually good. 

[Jay]
I read a lesbian romance novel like that one time where it's a monarchism apologia, where it's the 1st dyke queen of England falls in love with an anti-monarchist. 

[Justin]
[laughs] 

[Jay]
And then they get married, and they fuck at Balmoral, and it's really hot. They fist at Balmoral, actually. It's pretty good. And they, she convinces her to not be an anti-monarchist anymore. [laughs] 

[Sadie]
She does it all the time. 

[Jay]
He does. It's so fucking funny. [laughs] It's by Ginny Trout, I think. It's really good. Yeah. [laughs] 

[Sadie]
One thing, one thing that I was just like, "Oh, my fucking god," is, is when she's, like, going through her grandmother's stuff and she's like, "Oh my God, we found this family tree that grandma wrote up. It goes 4 generations back." And I was like, "Are you 4? Only 4?" [laughs] Like- 

[Jay]
Maybe you grew up Mormon. [laughs] You don't have the same experience as the rest of us, and most of us don't have that information. [laughs] 

[Sadie]
I guess, but, like, I'm just like... 

[Jay]
[laughs] 

[Sadie]
Okay, so, like, yeah, no, like, I know professional genealogists for reasons and, like, but, like, the fam- like, 4 generations is fucking nothing if-- especially in a town like Philly. Like, they would have, like-- And it wouldn't just be, like, this, like, strange, like, little, like, drawn out, like, tree. Like, she would have, like-- You have to find records. Like, you would know that bitch's last name. [laughs] Like, 'cause part of it is they're like, "We don't know who this is 'cause they don't have her last name in here." And it's like, that's not how genealogy works at all. Like, if anybody is interested in genealogy and lives in Philly and has had a history there, like, I was just like, "4 generations back?" Like, I know 4 generations back off the top of my fucking head. [laughs] Anyway, that was a thing that I was just like, they were stretch- they were stretching there for all of these reasons to, like, pull her family into the American Revolution. Like, "Oh, maybe this is the Betsy Ross connection," and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all leading up to the fucking letters being in her attic wall. And I was just like, "God, you could've done without half of that." Just... [laughs] 

[Jay]
There's also no way the city wouldn't have known the historical importance of the house. 

[Sadie]
Yes. 

[Jay]
They, they would have known. There's, like, fucking provenance of house ownership and how old it fucking is. There's no-- I mean, obviously not every historical building is registered as, like, a historical society thing, but they would've known how old it is, you know? Like, it's not some shock that this is an old fucking revolutionary era building. Like, come on. 

[Sadie]
Also, it's huge. I'm like, "Grandma must've been fucking loaded." Like, yeah. 

[Justin]
They just had a long time. I like when she was like, "Oh, we can, we can get help from him 'cause he has access to the, the genealogical databases." And I'm like, "So do you through your public library." 

[Jay]
And also just online for free. Like, you don't even have to use Ancestry. Ancestry and the Family History Library, which is-- I forget what its website is. It's the same exact database when you're on the free level. It's the same thing. Thank you, Mormons. It's the sa- the ancestry.com is also Mormons. It's all the same. 

[Sadie]
It's, it's- 

[Jay]
Just use- 

[Sadie]
-Mormons all the way down. Just trust me. 

[Jay]
It's all genealogy is Mormons. But just go to the Family History Library website, and then you can do... That's how I did mine. It's free. It's great. Just do it. [laughs] They have all of it. You can't avoid it. 

[Justin]
They usually just plug you in, yeah. 

[Sadie]
A question for you guys. What the hell do you think Linda's job was? 

[Justin]
She's probably a librarian. 

[Jay]
Linda was- 

[Sadie]
You think? 

[Jay]
-which one's Linda? 

[Sadie]
She's like the, the Asian lady that worked at the archives. She's the one that 1st, like, introduces- 

[Jay]
Oh, she also had a bump it. 

[Sadie]
Yes. The-- I mean, yes. But, like, she was in a couple of scenes- 

[Jay]
She's a bumper, too. 

[Sadie]
-but she's in, like, the one scene where he's like, "Oh yeah, I can't... I'm thinking up ideas or whatever." And she's like, "Oh, well, I'll leave you to it," all awkwardly. And I'm just like, "What's your job? Why are you here?" [laughs] 

[Jay]
Yeah, like, I don't know if she is also, like, a trained archivist. She might, she might be a librarian and doing more, like, like, general, like, reference books and stuff, or she might just be a more, like, public service person. I don't know, 'cause, like, not everyone that works in an archives or library is, like, trained in those skills, but they do other equally as important functions, right? 

[Justin]
Linda, Linda doesn't even have a last name in the credits. 

[Jay]
Okay, movie for doing fake feminism. This woman doesn't even have a last name. Taking you to task for the importance of women's roles in, in, uh, the history of our stupid country or whatever, and you don't even give Linda Bumpit a last name? How dare you? [laughs] 

[Justin]
Yeah, I don't know. She's, uh, could be a library assistant, could be... Uh, she's probably, like, a librarian or something, just- 

[Jay]
Like an assistant archivist or something. 

[Justin]
Yeah. 

[Sadie]
I just like how vague it, they kept it. Like, we don't wanna define anybody's role outside of Nate's. 

[Jay]
He's just the archivist. 

[Sadie]
Yeah. 

[Justin]
Like, we don't have that many extras. Although I did wonder if the people that walk past in the archives were, like, people who just worked at the Ottawa Archives Special Collections 'cause they did just walk past random people. And I'm like, "Did they just have them there in the background?" Seemed like it. What else we got? If we were... Oh, at the very end of the movie, so the, the, the whole, the, the building gets placed on the historic register in under, like, a year, and they do the exhibit. 

[Jay]
Which we still need to talk about. 

[Justin]
They do the exhibit night. We need... So the exhibit night. The exhibit night happens, and we go to Night at the Roxbury. 

[Sadie]
Yeah. [laughs] 

[Jay]
It has bisexual lighting. 

[Justin]
It has a fog machine. It's got barrels. It's got people walking around. 

[Jay]
It's got stores. 

[Sadie]
In costumes.

[Justin]
They blew all the money on the fog machine. 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
There's so much costuming going, everyone's dripped out, and there's so much lighting happening. There's period costumes that they shipped up to Canada. 

[Sadie]
I just, I just connected, like... 'Cause at one point she's like, uh, with the letters, and he's like, "Don't use flash on the letters." Right? And she's like- 

[Justin]
Mm-hmm 

[Sadie]
... "I know," blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then when in the exhibit, they're, like, there over a light, like, displayed over the top of a light- 

[Justin]
[laughs] 

[Sadie]
-with, like, backlit. I was just like, wait a 2nd, I thought that- 

[Jay]
No sectional lighting. [laughs] 

[Sadie]
[laughs] Well, I'm just like, a camera, a cell phone camera flash, it's got fucking nothing on those display lights. Like, I was just like, "That's not gonna degrade it? Okay." [laughs] 

[Justin]
They were very fast facsimiles they had created- 

[Sadie]
Yes 

[Justin]
... in a photocopier, and they just trimmed it [laughs]- 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
-for it on display. 

[Sadie]
To look, like, aged. 

[Justin]
I guess. I was-- I thought it was funny that they had, like, these actors there for the exhibit night, opening night, big exhibit opening night with the fog machine and barrels. And they have these actors who are dressed up, and they're playing, like, this voiceover of them reading. So they're like a living exhibit production that they've done. I don't even know what you would call this 'cause this isn't a real thing that happens. [laughs] But I don't think they told the extras that there's a voiceover happening and you should be looking at the actors in costume 'cause everyone's just acting like this is- isn't happening. 

[Sadie]
It's cocktail party. 

[Justin]
Like, there's no voiceover happening. [laughs] Everyone's just walking around talking, being natural. Whereas, you know, if there was a per- a performance happening, you're probably looking at the actors to be polite. [laughs] 

[Jay]
Also, in no world would the exhibit just be these letters. It would- 

[Justin]
They got barrels. 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Jay]
[laughs] Like, there would be, like- 

[Sadie]
Barrels are visual. 

[Jay]
This is why exhibits don't take a week to put together, right? 'Cause there's, like, other pieces in your collection that you try to relate to it to bring in context. There's probably pieces that you would get on loan from other archives, museums, or library special collections, again, to give context. There's curatorial statements you have to write. There's, like, all sorts of shit you gotta do. There's prepping the specimens. Like, I remember at U of I when I was in grad school, like, in their museum studies minor, there was this, a whole fucking graduate course you could take on exhibit design alone. You have to, like, measure the room and shit, like, to prepare. Like, ugh. Like, there's so much fucking work that goes into exhibits. Like, what if a piece they wanted to put on the exhibit as part of this was on loan elsewhere or was currently being, like, in the con- conservation lab or, like, out with a researcher? Like, what... Ugh. What do you do? It's so, it's just so... Like, an exhibit is not just look at the, the letters. Hooray, that's the exhibit. Was-- And then the little fucking pamphlet and his, like, big romantic gesture is just to put the grandma's name and the not Daughters of Revolution on it. But it's still, like, the, the, the chick doesn't get credit even though this is also her work. She's the one who figured out all the ciphers. [laughs] 

[Sadie]
Yeah. 

[Jay]
It's, it's bad. 

[Justin]
She did ask for it to be credited that way as a collection name, though. He said, "You could put the collection name under your name." And she goes, "We'll put it under the nonprofit's name." 

[Jay]
Yeah, but she also des- still deserves to get credit. 

[Justin]
No, she didn't wanna be credited, though. 

[Jay]
Annoying. 

[Justin]
Like, I get thing to help with the nonprofit status. 

[Sadie]
I was just gonna say, I, I love that that's, like, the big gesture is that he puts... Like, that's her turning point is she goes to this exhibit and is, like, looking around at it and picks up the pamphlet, and it's, like, her grandma's name and the not Daughters of the Revolution are, are on the back. And, and then, then she softens to his whole deal, right? Then she got-- she has to go run after him at the li- at the Liberty Bell. And I'm like, for literally doing what you asked him to do. 

[Justin]
The stakes are so low. 

[Sadie]
So low. 

[Justin]
[laughs] There's no stakes. 

[Sadie]
They're like, they're like, they're like 

[Sadie]
minimal stake- stakes. It is the most- 

[Justin]
The movie's vegetarian 

[Sadie]
... minimal stakes movie I have ever watched. [laughs] 

[Jay]
Also, like, he goes to-- he's at the Liberty Bell, tells his coworker, "Hey, I'm gonna go hang out at the Liberty Bell," to which everyone goes, "Oh, he put a stupid code in the letter, and she didn't notice it." And I thought there'd be one of the little coded messages at the bottom. No, there's not even that. He just wrote the word "liberty" weird, slanted, and she didn't even notice it until her coworker was like, "Oh, he's at the Liberty Bell." She was like, "Liberty Bell?" And at this point she doesn't need to look at the stupid letter, but she notices liberty in code, but there's not even the little code that it's supposed to be a cipher for. He just wrote "liberty," and she didn't even notice it. Like, she didn't even do it right. 

[Justin]
Yeah. 

[Justin]
So, Jay, you've already said how you would redo this movie. What would you change? 

[Jay]
Well, one, we didn't mention that the flags at the end are ironed. They have these old school looking American flags. They are not ironed. [laughs] 

[Justin]
It was the very last scene, like, about before credits roll, and I go, "Iron your flags." And Jay just falls over laughing [laughs] 'cause you can see these creased fake Betsy Ross flags. [laughs] 

[Sadie]
Oh my God. 

[Justin]
They didn't iron the flags. That's queer representation. 

[Jay]
No, I refuse. 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Jay]
I guess I'm queerphobic. Iron your fucking flags. I don't care. Every trans person listening, iron your fucking trans flag you have hanging up. I'm coming for you. 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
Get a steamer. 

[Jay]
Hang it in your shower when you take a shower and don't turn on your fucking fan. Just something. [laughs] Anyway, how would we redo this movie? I have a couple ideas. I've said one of them, but... 

[Justin]
He has to quit his job. 

[Jay]
Yeah, that's the other one. He should have quit his job. And his big romantic gesture should have been he quits his job, he doesn't do the exhibit. Like, he doesn't give that to Kent and the donors, and then they do it for the Daughters of, the not Daughters of the not American not Revolution. That should have been the big romantic gesture 'cause that's what the problem was, and that's how I would have fixed it. Also, they should have been hornier and kissed way sooner. Anyway, that's, that's what I would change. [laughs]

[Justin]
I, I would have Bruce LeBruce remake this movie. 

[Jay]
It's almost just jerking off b- in front of a thing of Benjamin Franklin. [laughs] 

[Justin]
Yeah. I don't know. I thought his big romantic gesture is like, "I'm gonna give you all the letters back," [laughs] or, "I'm gonna burn these letters." [laughs] "Stella!" 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
We watched A Streetcar Named Desire last night, so I had that in my head. I don't know. I don't know what else you could change about this movie to make it... Uh, the, the-- it, it needed more romance. It's like an 80-minute movie. They were just like, "All right, done." 

[Sadie]
Yep. It-- I was like, this was certainly an hour and 24 minutes of my life, I guess. Like, that sure passed. [laughs] 

[Jay]
Like, if they had better chemistry, it would've worked, 'cause, like, there's this scene where they're at the brother's, and they get their hot dogs different, and he says, "We sure are..." Uh, one of them says like, "We sure are opposites, huh?" And I'm like, "Bitch, where?" 

[Sadie]
Yeah. [laughs] 

[Jay]
You don't talk about anything. 

[Sadie]
And I was like, "Excuse me, girl?" [laughs] 

[Jay]
You haven't established an opposites attract thing. You seem to be very the same. Like... 

[Sadie]
He's an archivist, and you're a history teacher. Like... 

[Jay]
Match made in heaven. [laughs] Like... 

[Sadie]
Yeah. Like, okay. 

[Justin]
Mm-hmm. 

[Sadie]
But it was very, very picturesque and, like, it was just, like... And every single, like, Philadelphia symbol was crammed in there somehow. Saw the same statue of Benjamin Franklin, like, 4 times. 

[Justin]
Oh, yeah. 

[Sadie]
Just like- 

[Justin]
Juliet night was just a statue shot. 

[Sadie]
Yeah. 

[Jay]
Go to South Street and go to Condom King or Condom World or whatever it's called. Like- 

[Sadie]
Like- 

[Jay]
... that's what I wanna see. 

[Sadie]
Like, go to the Mutter Museum or some shit. Like [laughs]- 

[Justin]
[laughs] 

[Sadie]
... do something a tiny bit grittier. [laughs] 

[Justin]
That would be it. Do this movie but in the Mutter Museum. 

[Sadie]
Yes. 

[Jay]
With the lady who got fired or whatever. 

[Justin]
Yes. 

[Jay]
Yes. 

[Justin]
That's the movie. Make that into a movie. 

[Jay]
[laughs] 

[Sadie]
That's the Hallmark movie. 

[Justin]
And then just add romance. Yeah, just add romance to it. She's trying to- 

[Jay]
With a Gen X goth [laughs]- 

[Justin]
Well- 

[Jay]
... who's like, "No, keep it weird." [laughs] 

[Justin]
So he has... He, he donated his fucked-up foot- 

[Jay]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
... and she is putting all the human remains under review, and he's mad that his fucked-up foot isn't on display anymore. And then they fall in love, and she steals the foot, [laughs] and they start their own historical society with the foot. 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
With the foot . 

[Sadie]
A historical society with the foot of the dude who's still, like, alive. 

[Justin]
Yeah. 

[Jay]
That, that feels like genuine Philly representation to me, as someone not from there but has plenty of friends there. 

[Justin]
Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's how I would... That- that's the movie I'd wanna see. That's my, my next question is, [laughs] what Hallmark movie would you wanna see that's a library Hallmark movie? And I think that's it. It's the Mutter Museum. It's a guy who... It... 'Cause then you would have the actual conflict of, like, we're coming at this from different angles. He wants his fucked-up foot on display, and she wants to have ethical museum practices. 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
And then they fall in love. 

[Sadie]
I could get behind that. 

[Justin]
[laughs] He can't find a foot, and it had to be amputated. [laughs] 

[Sadie]
They put all of their prop money into the foot. 

[Justin]
[laughs] It's just one big foot. It's, like, 2 feet long. 

[Jay]
See, I think, like, what Har- Hallmark movie would I wanna see that's library related, like, it, it can't take place in a city. It has to be, like, a small town where there's, like, a solo librarian or, like, only a couple workers, and it's the someone coming home or whatever with the librarian. Like, the librarian has to be... Like, the whole... That, that formula, like the Hallmark romance, works really well for small towns because the sort of, like, idealized utopian idea of how societies work and how jobs work and how relationships work and all that... Yeah, bud. What? Like, you need the small, idyllic, pastoral town for that. And, like, what would be hotter than, like, the solo librarian that you went to high school with, and then you're coming home from the big city, and he's this hot librarian who wears Henleys and cardigans and stuff? That's, that's how you do the library Hallmark movie- 

[Sadie]
Mm-hmm 

[Jay]
... in my humble opinion. And his grandma was a librarian, and so now he is the librarian after his grandma dies or something. You have to have that connection. And the grandma was their librarian when they were kids or something. That's, that's how you do the Hallmark library romance, you know? 

[Sadie]
I mean, my brain is instantly like, well, of course, make it queer, you know? If- 

[Jay]
Hallmark doesn't know gay people exist, Sadie. 

[Sadie]
I, I know, but, like, if, if, if I'm gonna- 

[Jay]
[laughs] Yeah, that's where it's small. [laughs] 

[Sadie]
If I'm gonna, if I'm gonna do anything romance, it's gonna be, like, gay. I, I can't help it. But it's like, I just... Microfilm shots. Just, just have, just have somebody doing lots- 

[Jay]
Oh, yeah 

[Sadie]
... and lots of microfilm. Like, not perf- like, the, like, whichever one is in there, like... Because they... In, in this movie, they try to do, like, the weird family connection deal, like, worked into, like, the whole history of Phil- Philadelphia. I'm like, I wanna see that shit, but, like, like, the root trees are dead, sort of, like, where it's like he's trying to find some... He's trying to make some, like, mystery, like solve some family mystery- 

[Jay]
Ooh 

[Sadie]
... using genealogical... This is actually a video game. It's really good. 

[Jay]
All the genealogy is microfilm. 

[Sadie]
Yes, exactly. 

[Jay]
Yeah. 

[Sadie]
Like, just put more sexy microfilm shots in there, I guess. Like- 

[Justin]
That's what I'm saying. 

[Sadie]
Just show that machine, like, going, you know? That could be your, that could be your, your horny metaphor, the microfilm machine. 

[Justin]
Yeah. I want Bruce LeBruce to do the Mutter Museum movie. 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
And it's- 

[Jay]
They have to fuck one of the specimens, though. 

[Justin]
Yeah, I mean, the whole movie's gonna be fucking. 

[Jay]
Yeah. Not unsimulated. That's the Bruce LeBruce thing. They do it on screen for real. 

[Justin]
Yeah. I mean, that was one of the r- one of the... When I... When we finished watching this on my Plex, it was, like, other movies, and it was just all gay movies, and one of them was a Bruce LeBruce movie. [laughs] It was like, "You wanna watch Saint Narcisse next?" 

[Jay]
Listen, in the Mutter Museum Bruce LeBruce Hallmark romance, someone's fucking the foot. 

[Justin]
Oh, yeah. Oh, they're fucking the foot like crazy. 

[Jay]
[laughs] They're fucking the foot. They're fucking around the foot, like in Pink Flamingos where they fuck around the chicken. 

[Justin]
Well, he could use the same... The... He could use the pussy foot from- 

[Jay]
He could use the pussy foot from The Visitor. 

[Justin]
Yeah. 

[Jay]
Good. 

[Justin]
I've already got the props. Okay, okay. 

[Sadie]
I'm not familiar with this at all, so this is... You're saying words that to me are un... Uh, words and orders that are unprecedented. I'm sorry. [laughs] 

[Jay]
[laughs] 

[Sadie]
Pussy foot? 

[Jay]
[laughs] The pussy foot to me. 

[Sadie]
I don't know about the pussy foot. Sorry. That sounds like a... 

[Jay]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
That's gonna be the cover art for this episode. 

[Jay]
This is the pussy foot from The Visitor. [laughs] 

[Justin]
[laughs] It's exactly what you think. It's a fleshlight that's a foot. 

[Jay]
B- th- but that has a pussy, so you can fuck it. Yeah. 

[Justin]
They, they bought it at, like, a sex shop and just was like, "This is plot now." I don't know. Maybe they made it. Silicon sheet. Okay. All right. It's late. Final thoughts. Do we, do we recommend this movie to anyone, ever? 

[Jay]
The dude's hot, and he's, like, in his 40s. 

[Sadie]
He's certainly got a jawline. Yeah. 

[Jay]
I would be curious. Philly people, chime in. What do you think of this movie? Um- 

[Sadie]
Yeah 

[Jay]
... I think it just does, like, here's the tour for tourists who wanna jerk off about America on the 250th. Like, as someone who li- now lives in Boston, this was a very annoying place to be around the 4th of July on 2... for 250. I can imagine Philly was the other place that would've been annoying to be for 250 and around and leading up to it. And this movie's not helping. 

[Justin]
Yeah. I don't think I would recommend it. I think I would recommend Storm Center. 

[Sadie]
Mm-hmm. 

[Justin]
And it's Storm Center, but she's... comes to a town and does Storm Center there, and that's the Hallmark movie. [laughs] 

[Sadie]
[laughs] 

[Justin]
The c- the, the communist dream is being banned, and then she falls in love with a guy trying to ban it, and then they both burn down the library. 

[Jay]
That's romantic. 

[Justin]
Yeah. All right. 

[Jay]
Yeah. 

[Justin]
Well, that was a movie. 

[Sadie]
It sure was. 

[Jay]
It, it sure was. 

[Justin]
Thanks to whoever was talking about it on Blue Sky. That gave me the idea that this would be fun to do 'cause we haven't done a movie in a while. And good night.